Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
