I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
