have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
