I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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