Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
