just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am naked and annoyed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
