she woke up with a sticky ear
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
