If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
me + whiskey = a bad person
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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