so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
