As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
