apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
