I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
