we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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