you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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