yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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