Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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