Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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