My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
