hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
