Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
