Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
