She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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