??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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