First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
