I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
