im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
