my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
