Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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