The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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