So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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