i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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