Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
