I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
