I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
