I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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