and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
