hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
