their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
