and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
