I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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