i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
