I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
