It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
