Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
