And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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