I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
