This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize