Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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