What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
