I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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