i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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