sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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