nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
