After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor