I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.