Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The air was thick with penises
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Randomize
Follow @tfln