mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober