she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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