he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
