My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
