we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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