if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
