I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
