Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
