i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
