How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
