Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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