weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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