careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
