Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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