I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
