you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The power of my boobs compel you
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
